Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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