She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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