Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
