You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
