We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
