its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
