My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
