Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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