I wish my penis had an off switch
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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