anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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