I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
