In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
