you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize