i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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