I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
