Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
