I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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