I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
