I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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