You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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