You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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