could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
