I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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