How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
