Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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