Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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