My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize