Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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