At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
