it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
