anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
