i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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