So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
