i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
