Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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