In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
