Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The power of my boobs compel you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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