I hate your face
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
