I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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