Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
