In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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