I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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