I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
