you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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