Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
