i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
