I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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