So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
