please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
