She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
