Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
