I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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