Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
