Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
