A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
