It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
