I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
