he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My breasts were aching with rage.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
