Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
