a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
