I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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