Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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