If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
