I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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